I’m rather fascinated by Greek mythology and their plethora of gods, and I thought “What about the gods of writing?” The Greeks have so many gods, why not add a few more to the pantheon? So here is a completely true, not at all fabricated list of the deities of writing.
May you never encounter them.
Harlow, god of Plot Bunnies
This is a mischievous god who enjoys chaos and likes interfering with the innocent writer’s work. Bunn enjoys letting loose his patron animal all over the writer’s mind, creating new, distracting ideas. The writer will never have time to write them all and is forced to turn away the bunnies they cannot use in anguish.
- mischief. so much mischief.
- a black hat in which bunnies are stored (where else?)
- white hair
Lolita, goddess of Lollygagging and Procrastination
She distracts you with snacks, Netflix, other work that is not writing, YouTube, and social media. If you have a project that’s good, but you don’t want to leave YouTube to write it, well, that’s her dirty work. Every writer has fallen under her wiles at some point.
- crown made of social media apps
- scepter of Netflix
- always found with a snack
Delilah, goddess of Writer’s Block
We all know and hate her. The biggest, baddest god of them all. Whenever you sit down to write, she makes the words… just… stop. Everything that comes out seems like garbage, and no new ideas are formed. You’re stuck, until she decides she’s had enough fun tormenting you and goes to terrorize some other poor soul.
- Robes dyed blue from writers’ tears.
- pale skin, the color of blank pages
- sister of Lolita
Bard, god of Poetry in Books
Bard is the patron god of all the inexperienced writers who write pages of bad poetry into their books, believing themselves to be the next Tolkien. Bard is not necessarily a bad god, he just doesn’t have an ear for poetry. Still, it’s best to avoid him altogether.
- Robes with all the bad songs ever written embroidered on them
Juliet, goddess of Romance
I’m pretty sure that Juliet has placed rose colored glasses over every young teen writer. (PLEASE, make your romances realistic.) She sprays roses and flirty giggles everywhere. She can deceive you into thinking that your romance is perfect, even if it’s actually manipulative or over the top with sunshine and love. Actually, she doesn’t really know what love is, only fuzzy feelings and alluring eyes and boys with attractive scars. Patron goddess of every single mainstream YA novel.
- short pale pink dress
- rose colored glasses, always
- kinda a rebel
Someone please tell me how they upload art without making it look worse than it already is??? I can’t figure it out.
This was a lot of fun, regardless.
-someone please lock up Juliet so I can read some novels that don’t have romance in them