You Know You’re A Writer If

If you’re a writer, I pity you.

The rest of the world has no idea what you’re doing.  And then you have to try and convince them that you’re not a serial killer.

Writers are a unique breed.  Especially fantasy, sci-fi, dystopian, and all the other speculative fiction writers.

We know things.

*The Twilight Zone theme song starts playing*

Anyway, if you’re a writer, you’ll probably relate.  If you’re not, steal up your courage to take a glance.  You might be enlightened. (Or horrified, but that’s a small consequence.)

You people-watch to the point that it becomes creepy:

I’ll just stare at random strangers.  Also, I don’t intend to, but overheard bits of dialogue?  Golden.  I watch for character personalities (moms with kids, the overly friendly cashiers, the people who swagger into the grocery store in sunglasses)

It’s really good inspiration.  One time I was walking to the art store, and there was a girl, probably teenaged, sitting on a bench on the sidewalk.  She was playing a ukulele and singing and it was really pretty.  You’re going to make it into a book someday, random pretty girl.

Oh I also like to come up with weird backstories for people.  Like that guy who is driving a truck looks a little shady, I bet he’s an ex-mafia turned vigilante on the run from both the government and the mafia.

I’m sorry, random dude.  You’re probably really nice.  Or maybe not….

You know scary medical facts:

I was watching a movie with my Spanish class, and a doctor heated a knife in the fire and pressed it against a battle wound.  Someone was really confused and asked “What is he doing??”

So I piped up, “Oh, he’s cauterizing the wound.”

Apparently no one knew what cauterizing is?  Do you guys know or is that just a thing that no one does anymore?

Also I know a bunch of ways to kill people?  So that’s fun?  *evil INTJ smirk*

Your Google History makes you look like a serial killer:

• how much does a brain sell for on the black market
• most poisonous element in the periodic table
• non-living edible things (water and salt, basically that’s it) (we’re all murders, if we’re going by the vegan view)
• does the human bite have enough force to cut through a finger
• what is the most venomous snake
• poisonous plants and their symptoms

All real things I’ve searched.  And there’s more.  I just don’t have them written down.  I’m sure the DHS and the FBI have them on some record. (and yes, I have a piece of tape over my laptop camera thing)

“I swear I’m not Pregnant I just need character names”

My dad was slightly curious when the number one site I look at was nameberry.com  Yeahhhh. 

(Nameberry is really the best site for character names ever, fight me.)  (You can search meanings, gender, gender neutral, popular, weird, other cultures, and you can make your own lists for future reference.) (*not sponsored by nameberry*)

You are probably somewhat skilled in at least one weapon:

I used to go to a sword club thing, so I could write accurately about swords.

And I used to be pretty good with a throwing knife.  (Fun fact, anything long with a bit of weight to it can be thrown like a throwing knife, if you can find the balancing point.  Screwdrivers and butter knifes are fun and very deadly. 🙂 )

I WILL NEVER WRITE A CHARACTER WHO IS AN ARCHER.  Archery is impossible.  I rest my case.

You absorb your book and characters, for better or for worse:

I mean, I have a red cloak because who wouldn’t want to match their characters?  

As someone who writes in first person point of view, I tend to absorb my characters if I’ve been writing too long.  I adopt their personalities and mannerisms and it’s just a little unnerving.

Especially when you start thinking like your villains.

(Me: No, brain, I cannot kill them, no matter how annoying they are.

Brain: You could take that candle holder from the mantle and hit them over the head-

Me: No!)

You will do ANYTHING in the name of writing:

Graveyards are wonderful places to get names.  My church has a wonderful graveyard with lots of names.  It’s great.  

I learned a couple of edible plants in my area and ate them because I got to know what they taste like.  (I still have yet to try pine needle tea, but I will eventually.)  (Clover doesn’t taste half-bad.)

Building forts in the backyard to see if I could survive without shelter. (Answer, no.  I’d die first in the apocalypse, probably succumbing to the mosquitoes.)

Also related: Anything remotely bad that happens to you is a good thing because now I know how to accurately write that!

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(About the graveyard thing: it’s kinda cool.  Although sometimes our youth group activities end up crossing over to there?  Like people hide for kick the can in the graveyard and that’s just a little,, strange.)

Anyways.

What weird writer things have you done? 😉